Today's Randomness

Sometimes when I sit down to write I have a specific idea in mind, sometimes I don't.

Today there is no specific idea but just to write and see what comes of it.

I look at this site - Anything at Anytime - as a means of self help.  Self Therapy if you will.  A means for me to get some of the junk out of my head so that I am not in a continuous Funk.

I took far to long to get this thing started.  I should have started it or something very like it last year when I was at my worst.  I can now only imagine some of the dark things that may have come out.
Things like self doubt, fear, anger.  Questions of "why", "what did I do", "where will this leave my family" were plaguing my mind.  They still do and I still have thoughts of the fears and angers; however, they are a shadow of their former selves.

In a former post I mentioned that I was at the edge of an abyss.  Yes, it felt like it completely.  I felt like I had been abandoned by myself and by God.  I wanted to strike out at times and looking back at it all a year later, if I had had this going then it would have been perfect for that release.  Everyone always says Hindsight is 20/20 and IT is!

I am going to back track here just a little bit so that I can Clarify.  When I wrote, I felt like I had been abandoned by myself and by God, I am talking about the feelings and thoughts running around in my head.  The feeling of being abandoned by myself, is how could my body be letting me down and falling apart as it is?
Well, easy answer after looking back - my body didn't let me down, I let my body down.  My own actions and choices lead me to this point.  Abandoned by God - those feelings came via the self pity and wondering why He could have let this happen to me.  I am a Christian but not your run of the mill type.  He didn't let it happen but He let me make the choices.

I know all of this is coming out discombobulated and you are trying to figure out where I am going.  Hell, I don't know where I am going with this. Just writing what I am thinking about as I sit here and type.  Sort of what our minds do, they sometimes randomly jump from thing to thing on whatever topic our minds roam over.  

The wonder of the mind.  The mind can take random bits of information and put it all together and make since of it.  Our minds can bounce from subject to subject and still keep us functioning.

Where am I going with this?  Honestly, I have no clue whatsoever.  Today appears to be a venting of junk in the head that is blocking any good coherent things I can put out here.  So rather than subject you to random rants, vents and who the hell knows whats.... I will close with this:

Every Now and then, when you are just sitting back and relaxing, try and See, Look at what you are thinking about and notice how your mind and emotions bounce around.  You might be surprised.

P.S. I told you all yesterday that I was going to start on a College Sports blog.  Blogger makes it so easy and the subject was on my mind so I already have it up and running.  There is still plenty to do to it but I think I have it running in the right direction.  So, if you have the time and are inclined to see what another fan thinks for the upcoming College Football season?  Please visit : On Any Day - College Sports.  I currently have My Preseason Top 25 and also have a page up for Up Coming Games to Watch.