I'm TIRED!

Have you ever gotten TIRED of Something?

I mean just Worn out doing something over and Over as if you are butting your head against a stone wall 20 feet thick?

I'm not talking about work and the dull routine some of us get (or in my case "got") locked into on a regular basis,  I'm referring to Life feeling like it is constantly beating down on your shoulders like a drummer keeping a steady beat in a never ending piece of music or like a Jack hammer that just won't shut off.

I am talking about that feeling where as soon as Something goes your way and there is a glimmer of hope or light just around the bend and just as you get there Something, Anything, jumps up and Bites you in the ASS!

I'm TIRED of it!!!!

I've Bitched at my Wife about My Luck.
I've Bitched at my Parents and In-Laws about My Luck.
I've even Bitched at God about My Luck!

Wife can't do anything about it she is locked into it with me.
Parents and In-Laws can only commiserate with me about it,

God, Well, Sometimes I wonder....... They say he only test you as far as you can go and then is there to help and handle it.  Why allow a broken record to keep repeating itself?  What Lesson are you trying to Teach?  If I haven't figured it out by now Damn it!  Give me a Freaking Hint already!

I've Lived with my Crappy Assed Luck my whole life but I sure as Hell Don't want it rubbing off on my Family!

If you can't tell, today is a Monster Rant, Bitch session, tantrum, whatever you want to call it.  I'm Freaking PISSED!!!!!!

No person caused this.

......... Yeah, One Person caused this........ Me!  I Did!!!!

My Luck has shown its Ugly face again and as always its not Good.
Should have known it.  Should have Expected it!
When something Good comes my way it is almost (Never Fails) Always Followed with a Slap in the ASS and No, it is not the good kind of Slap in the Ass.

Christmas was Good, Unexpectedly Good, as something came our way that made it much better than we had hoped for.  Things Looking Good and, well, not Great but GOOD enough that there was breathing room.  Deep Down I was Expecting it (My Luck).  Deep Down I was Hoping, Praying it would Pass me (Us) bye this time.

NOT!

J and I went to my Dr. Yesterday.
Health wise, all is as good as can be expected.  My O2 Sat. (Oxygen Saturation {Oxygen in blood}) is/was 85%, not bad but the Number should be about 95% or above.  Expected that,  Part of my Life now.

The Office visit went Well enough and had a good conversation with the Dr.  Got my New Prescriptions and scheduled my next appointment (He, Dr., wants once a month but financially I got him to understand once Every 3 Months).

Went to go drop off the prescriptions,
That is when the Breathing Room I mentioned became a Plastic Bag over Our Heads!
$300.00

300.00 Freaking F#$%ing Dollars.
New Year, New Insurance, New Damn Freaking Deductible!!!!!!!

What's Weird is that I am not really Pissed about the Money.

The Timing!

Three months from now it would make us Tight, but Now!?!?!?!?  Feels like a Ship with 20 holes in it and you only have 15 Plugs to fill them with!

I am TIRED!
TIRED of this kind of Luck happening to me and mine Every single time.
TIRED of Hearing my Wife say she "Isn't doing enough." when I see her killing herself to keep the Ship afloat.
TIRED of Hoping a Miracle can Happen again and Again.  (You can only dip in that well so many times before it goes dry!)

You know who is to Blame?

ME!

I am the one that Smoked for 20+ years.  I'm the one that did it.
Nobody but Me!
Me and my Damn LUCK!

Depression - it is a Gorilla and I have the feeling I am looking at a 1400lb Silver Back right in the Eyes.
Boy is he UGLY.

But...

One thing I know, There are Others out there Worse off than I am.  It's a Given.  I have No Doubt about that.
Therefore, I am not Allowing That S.O.B. to jump on my Back.
"Been there, Done That!", It ain't happening again.

Somehow, Someway, we will get past this.  I don't know how, but we Will.  Just TIRED of being HERE so Damn often.

God,
Give Her a Break.  The Look in her eyes says it all (she won't say it, but I See IT) and I need help Helping her.  I already breath bad enough, she doesn't need to suffocate with me.

Sorry for the RANT today.

One thing you have to remember here is that this is Anything at Anytime and from time to time Rants may just be a part of what you get.

We all have 'em.
Just I will write about mine from time to time.

For those of you that might be worried, Don't.
This is part of why I do this Blog.