Would You? Could You...???????

I haven't been here in awhile and I apologize to those of you out there that were reading me on a regular basis.

Inexcusable - I can't say it won't happen again but I will try my best Not to let it.

I have been sick, physically and dare I say mentally.  I won't get into detail as some of it you can gather from other things you have seen and read on this blog.  I will tell you it hasn't been fun - not all of it.

As for the Mentally, well, in my opinion if you ain't a little nuts who is going to listen.

But enough of that already -- I am not ready to get into full detail on it.  Maybe someday I will write a post about it here, then again maybe not.  Who Knows for sure?  Not I.

I will say this I will do my best not to go AWOL (Absent With Out Leave (military term if you haven't heard it before) Again.


But that is not why I am writing today.

Today I am writing about the Title of this post.
and
Yes, to those that have read me before I am doing this my old way -- All in one sit, just writing it as it comes and listening to 80's music while doing it.

Would You? Could You...???????

Dreams,
Hopes,
Wants,
Desires,
Wishes,
Fantasies,

A Dream that becomes a Hope that becomes a Want that becomes a Desire that becomes a Wish that becomes a Fantasy of a Lifetime!
(to be DHWDWF here on to shorten writing and reading :) )

All things that every single person has.  Every SINGLE ONE of us has these things.

Not all of them are received or achieved.
Some require Hard work, diligence, patience and even then they don't always bare fruit (most of the time they Don't).

I have had my share of both achievement and failure in those things:
a few of these follow:

1. I Never became an Astronaut  - had that one since I was 7 or 8 yrs old.
2. I Did get married to a beautiful Woman that stole my Heart and I didn't know it until it was done.
3. I Never Made it "Big Time" in anything I did -- Just did as good as I could and made as little as it paid.  LOL
4. I Have two beautiful, intelligent (sometimes they make me see I am getting slower (happening more and more often)), gifted Daughters that make me Proud to say "They are Mine!"

those are just a few.

Now this part I am going to get vague but give you enough to understand the concept.

I have had this DHWDWF for years (at least 17 yrs maybe a bit more).
One of those things that sits there on the cusp of becoming reality.
So Near you can Smell it and Taste it on your tongue.
Something I have in a weird way Needed and on occasion got Lucky enough to sample.
but
Never gotten to "Have"

In its own right it has become a drug (no, not the kind people abuse) but by the effect the "samples" and nearness of the DHWDWF have caused.

This Thing, this...... Thing (with the way I am writing this that will have to do) is so close I Can touch it yet not.

Well, Today with out my asking for it, it was offered to me.

FREAKING A!
Chance of a LIFETIME!
You have got to be kidding me?!?!?!?!
Every Form of Vocal Jubilation you want can be inserted here.

If it were you -- How long would it take you to accept it?

It took me all of maybe 20 seconds............

Colliding Worlds -- an AWESOME sight

.......... to say NO!

You read that right..... NO!


A Dream
A Hope
A Want
A Desire
A Wish
A Fantasy come to fruition and I said NO!

Not because I didn't want it.
God Knows that I would cherish and relish it for the remainder of my days!

The way it was offered presented to me left no doubt in my mind........
it would have ruined everything in my life had I accepted at that moment.

By No Monetary Means am I a RICH man (on most scales would prob. fall in the Poor category).
I am Definitely NOT the Healthiest Man in the world.
Mentally, well....., sometimes I do question myself as of late, but I haven't answered yet.
I have NOT been Good all the time and some things take a LOOONG time to fix or set right.
This, Thank God, was not one of those times.

For what it is, I LOVE my Life the way it is.

Sort of FUCKED up isn't it?

Would this have made me Rich?  NO.
Would this have Cured my emphysema?  NO.
Would it have stopped me questioning myself?  Hmmmmmm Maybe, Maybe Not.
Was the offer Good for me?  For me? Yes....... For ME?  NO.
Would it have trashed, ruined everything GOOD in my life at this time?  YES.

To my knowledge I only know one person and the person that presented (one of my longest held DHWDWFs) this to me that knows what it is.

Some of you may want to know, Some of you might try and Guess but to no avail.

Will I get this chance again?  Who knows?  I sure as hell don't.

I could go on but I don't want to totally bore you to death today.

I would like to know:


Would You?  Could You turn down something you have wanted and dreamed of for such a long time?