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El Paso, TX, United States
Still Wondering What's Next? Anything at Anytime (I) has/have had a rough start to the year. Sorry for the delays in Posts and I Promise to do better. No Excuses as Life Must GO ON! So Keep an Eye Open... Oh, if you would like to follow on Twitter I am @DanWins2007.

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ravings of an Intelligent Lunatic

Anything at Anytime brings you something I have been working on for a good while.  

My Old Computer Crashed and Died a most Horrible Death.  Not that we had the "Money" but because J and the girls use the computer for work and school...... Well, I think you get the idea. 
Anyway - I thought I had lost this all to the Dead Computer.  Praise be that I sent a copy to J's email a couple of months ago and she SAVED it...... YES!!!!!

So, to make sure I don't have to run it down again I am posting it here for all to read, ponder upon, and comment.  

If you are viewing it as a "Quickie" come back to it later.  
I suggest a Cup of Coffee, ........ No, Make that a POT of Coffee and sit down for a bit, this will take awhile.

“Ravings of an Intelligent Lunatic”

I do not know where this will lead.

I have know idea where it will go.

I do know that I need to get things written. 

This is for my Wife, Jacqueline,
My daughters D & E,
Friends, Family,
and yes, even Enemies I may have made in my past.

All of you have had some influence in my life.

In celebration of 
Mickey David Winfield
March 24th 1976 - March 28th 2009

Karen Winfield
December 16th 1970 - December 29th 2009

Danny Neal Winfield Jr.
November 30th 1968 - ????

Have you ever had that moment of thought where you are thinking of anything and everything? That moment where your mind is drifting yet racing at the same time? That feeling that sits in the core of your soul telling you that you know the answers (all the answers to everything), that you could unlock every door? The problem is that you don’t have the Key. The Key is the one thing that would open everything and you could explain it all so that everyone else could understand and comprehend. Well, I definitely do not have the Key but maybe, just maybe someone else reading this could find that this was a key in its small way to help them unlock the door that holds the Key. Just maybe as I write this I clear the way for someone else to see clearly that which has eluded them and others (as well as myself).

Because I have no true plan of attack here, I ask a little leniency to where I lead you as you read. I ask that you not be critical because I am not here to listen to your critics if you did. Not to mention the fact for all of you that know me do you really think I do or would have given a shit??????

I have never been one to bow down to ever whim, law, and rule of others (that especially holds true for when I was in the Navy and a couple of years later in the Army). So I guess as I write this I will try and hold true to that self proclaimed moral to rebel where I can, do what I must and screw the rest.

I have been told thru the years that I have a “knack” for writing. I must admit at times there is a bit of something there but not enough to sustain what I am about to attempt.
People I know, friends and family alike, have told me to sit down and write.
Well, I think it is time to give it a shot and see what I can do with the time I have. 
By the By  -  the time I have left could be short or I could live to be an ancient ole crotchety bastard……. I truly hope and pray for the later.

So you can understand where this is coming from I will give you a brief recent history lesson about what has brought this about.

Off and on thru the last couple of years I have progressively gotten sick and sicker. It will/would start as simple cold or a basic flu and either linger on forever (it seems/ed) or even progress to pneumonia.

On March 28th 2009 I received a phone call from my father telling me my youngest brother Mickey had passed away. He had Just Turned 33. We (My family) went up to Portales Nm, for my brothers funeral. Coming home from the funeral I again began to feel run down and just plain “crappy”. We all know that feeling when a cold is coming on and it just Sucks! There is no nice way to put it.

So, while making the drive home and feeling like this the thought is in my head “here I go again”. The cold continued to get worse and eventually I decided to go to the Doctor again. This time my Doctor decided to send me to a pulmonologist to get checked out because this type of thing was happening way to much. Originally the Pulmonologist thought that it was a late onset of adult asthma. I am not a doctor but told him I thought it was something more, that I wanted to find out what was wrong. Several tests and a CT scan later, I am told that I have Later Stage Emphysema.

Now, I am a 40 year old man on Oxygen 24/7 (for those of you that don’t know 24/7 is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week), how do you cope with that? Difficult to say the least. 40 years old and have what is considered to be an Old Folks disease (Nothing against the older generation out there but even all the doctors I know and have been to even make the comment “You don’t see that in someone your age”.)

That’s not all of it either. At the same time I got my diagnosis my Sister-in- law received one just as bad. She was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of Cancer. I guess the old adage of 3s. I feel bad for Mickey’s family Lacey and Zoey, Donald and Karen and their boys David and James, My most wonderful wife Jacqueline, My Daughters Danielle and Elayne (if it weren’t for those three in My Life I honestly feel My Life would have no meaning.)

THIS IS NOT a “Oh, Feel Sorry for Me” thing. THIS IS a “Don’t Miss Out on Life” thing. You have your moments, we all do. There is a movie out there called “The Bucket List” and I liked it when it came out thinking it was a good sentimental story. Today, (flipping thru the channels as usual) it was on Cinemax and damned if I didn’t get it right at the very beginning didn’t even have to sit thru opening credits. Now finding myself in a position / situation that has me thinking those thoughts on occasion I sat there and watched the whole thing again. It makes you look at life Completely and Differently.  It Makes you think about how you would like to end. 
Me?  Well,........ How would I like My life to end if it were a book?

If I am going to go, what is my Bucket List going to say about me? 
I don’t know!?!? 
I am not sure I want to go there just yet. 
I do know one thing, that if I were to do something like that (a "Bucket List") I want my wife and kids with me, not a stranger as in the movie. I want the Three People and one dog that mean the most to me, with me, to explore new things and experience things I have talked to them about. I want to know that someday when I do die that they all understand it is not an end or something sad, that it is a new beginning and something to be happy, because Dad will be on the other side of course getting a head start so I can show them new things again when they join me.

(Again, remember I told you at the beginning that I was not sure where this would go and or what I would write about. So dramatic quick change of thought here.)  

Some things that I have noticed thru the years with people. We all act as if everyone else owes us. 
They don’t and we do! 
You might be asking what I mean by that. Simple, They owe us nothing and we owe them everything. If we all went about trying to be there for friends, family, and the occasional stranger, life would be so much easier. Not getting all religious here but “Treat others as you wish to be treated”/ or in the biblical sense “ Do unto others as you would have them Do unto you”. No truer words can be spoken, written or read.

No stronger thing can be done than tell the Truth. Nobody ever tells the truth anymore and the consequences we all pay for our lies is far greater than any punishment we could receive for telling the truth. We learn that lesson as children. We forget that lesson when we live as adults. We have all done it. We all do it.

As for me I have tried to change, have tried to go back to the truth. Those damn little white lies are the hang-ups for me now. Yeap, telling the truth can be rough sometimes. In the long run it pays off. Some will say “Idiot, could have just told a lie and gotten away with it” but you would know, and they could eventually find out the truth. Or Tell the truth, pay the consequences and you don’t have to worry about someone finding out, they already know. Saves you the worry of having to cover your ass and builds trust with others. They know they can count on you at least when it pertains to telling the truth.

Speaking of Trust, there are multiple levels. Trust is probably the most difficult to create a valid definition or understanding of. Just to damn many variables to figure into the equation. Just a few examples of what I mean:

I Trust my dog to protect my children when I am not around. Trust her to cover my back when a drunk is snoring his ass off in the carport in the middle of the night, Not a freaking chance (she stayed in the house- with that look on her face that said it all “Your on Your OWN!!!! You NUT!!!”.)

I Trust my Wife and children to Love me no matter what or how bad things could be. They have proven that time and again.

I Trust my daughters’ god-parents to be there for my children if anything should happen to me.

Even though I have not been around this man for years, Gardner Pemberton is a man that I Know I Trust to do the right thing No Matter the cost.

So I think you get the drift several different kinds of Trust for different situations. Just no way to boil it all down into one simple definition that fits everyone and every need.


Now for a treat…… Another change of direction. A completely out there thought.

The True Ravings of an Intelligent Lunatic.

Recently, I have been having some discussions. During one such conversation I had an epiphany (if you don’t know I will tell you like I tell my daughters - “Go look it up.”) This epiphany revolves around the near future. All these things discussing what will happen in Dec. 2012. Everyone talking about Nostradamus, the Mayans, and just about any other seer from the past and how they have all “seen” the world coming to an end. Well, I guess I would have to agree with everything going on today in this world we have created.

Now, the epiphany revolves around a completely totally out there concept. Dec. 2012 can be the beginning or the ending. I prefer to think it as a new beginning. Bear with me as I explain a few twisted things in my mind.

I am no theologian and no scholar in religious beliefs. I am a well read and studied individual that has found acceptance in learning a bit about multiple things. Some of those things have been different types of religion and their perspectives on things.

What I am about to convey is Different to say the least.
Mankind is as a child and Life and Religion are the Parents. 
Just follow my thought. You may agree and you may disagree, that is your right. (At a later date I may attempt a deeper writing on this topic but for now I will keep it very basic and simple.)

Try and think of things in basic history. We know that before Christianity that there were multiple various Pagan beliefs that revolved around the feminine or the “Mother” concept. The Mother that nurtures us as we grow from a bumbling, stumbling, crawling child. Encouraging us to stand and to walk and catch us in her arms when we fall. She kisses us on the cheek and pats away our tears when we scrape our knees and then tells us in that comforting voice “Its OK, go on try it again.”

Years later and Christianity arrives to supplement and surpass the “Mother” and place the Father in her place. The Father is there to Teach, to show us the path and Push us to our best. Letting us take our lumps and bumps and then asking us what we could have done differently and giving us advice for the next time. The Father is there to guide us down the path and prepare us to be on our own. Some forms of the Father are harsher than others and others more lenient. Each form the Father takes in today’s religions are all a basic form or preparation for Life. Then the Father Kicks us out of the house to face the world Alone. This is the HERE and the NOW.

What if those “seers” of our future were seeing our future but not comprehending what they were seeing? Not an End but a turmoil before change. The Growing pains of a child, stepping beyond his/her Mother and Father, which are so aggravating and hurtful.

What if the things they were seeing were the times of the here and now with the difficulties we face not as a nation but as a world, not seeing beyond but only the now? I can only imagine how they would interpret the crowding, large cities, wars and war technology we have today. How would we interpret the future 500 yrs from now? Interesting and intriguing thought don’t you think?

Could it be that with all the devastation they saw they could not look further for fear of seeing worse? I believe that they stopped there because they found they could not look further because they could not “see” or comprehend the next step.

Not a Unification of the world but a communal understanding of all other people in the world. An Acceptance of all others no matter the differences. A Common Leap of the mind that all peoples share together. A New beginning. The Next step. A Leap into the unknown Together as Humankind.

Anyway, just a thought of an intelligent Raving Lunatic.

So where do I go from here? Really I have no clue, as all of this is being typed directly from my head to this screen on my computer (hopefully to be published on paper someday.) 
No notes, No diagram, No set plan or direction to head into, just regular everyday thinking (of mine) put to words so others may agree or disagree yet understand where I am coming from. 
Hell, maybe some of this makes since to someone else and they take it the next step and bring it out into the open for reflection and action to create change.

I will tell you this I will not get into politics. I want to. I really, really want to; however, if I do it would change what I am trying to accomplish with this. Politics by itself would be an entire life’s work. It can not be done in just bits and pieces like our government is trying to do. I will ask this: Is our government doing what our forefathers intended? Did our Founding Fathers intend for the government to slowly encroach and take over our daily lives and control how we handle our kids, our own money, what we watch and listen too, what we say? I believe with our current representatives that we are moving further and further away from what the original intent was.

The Constitution is not there as a verbatim document but as a guide. There to give us a direction to follow. Our current controlling party basically is shaping that guide to fit what those representatives desire for their own gains and desires. Taking more control telling us (not to our faces but by changing the laws and interpretations) that they know what is best for us. That we do not know what we want and that they know what is best for us in our own daily lives at work, at home and at play. They don’t listen to us, we the people they are to represent.

One thing that I think has happened is that Our government forgets the most important thing: THEY WORK FOR US and WE CAN HAVE THEM REMOVED/FIRED. Damn, Sorry about that, that Lunatic got hold of the keyboard. (That’s it on that I promise.)

I told you all I had no idea where this would go. So far I am all over the map, No set direction. I do think I have found a goal for this “project.” If anything all I have written and am writing will make you think. Think about one of the things written here or all of them I am to write about in this, even think I am a “loony toon” and it has accomplished that goal.


Now, as I sit here typing, I am listening too and occasionally watching a show on the History channel about 9/11 (yes, that 9/11). While watching it brings thoughts of having witnessed Life and Death, not of that event (though thinking about that brings thoughts of Anger and Sorrow); but of newborn life having been present with the birth of my daughters and having been present as someone was dieing in a horrendous one car accident.

As I write this I can not go into to much detail about that accident because it is in litigation; however, I hope and pray that if I ever find myself in a similar situation that someone will do as I tried to do for this lady. Being as skinny as I was/am, also one of the “first responders” I and the two others that had stopped got the kids out that could move, I crawled in to help the other two. One a 7 yr old boy with severe injuries to head and arm and his mother. Both on the passenger side of the vehicle and that was the side of the vehicle that had received the “brunt” of the accident. I can Honestly say “Thank God” for training I had received and things I have seen earlier in my life that allowed me to just react on instinct rather than react with shock and doing nothing. The Mothers neck was broken and breathing may have been as much as one respiration every two minutes.

Nothing We could do for Mom immediately and Emergency assistance was 45 minutes away at best. So attention went to the 7 yr old boy. As I sat there trying to make him comfortable and hold his head together and talking to him I was also talking to Mom knowing that she could hear “Its OK mom, your little boy is in good hands and we will take care of him. Do what you have to do. We will take care of him.”

The whole time trying to let him know and her know that what needed to be done would be done. It tore my heart out because every time I looked at his face I saw three faces; his, and both of my daughters (who at the time were 8 and 10). I think most if not all parents would do something similar.

Now this was one of my best and worst moments. Our family was traveling to another city/town when we came upon this accident. I had not smoked a cigarette in a little over a month and was just getting used to the idea of long drives without smoking during all the “idle” time. We narrowly missed an accident of our own on the way out of El Paso when a guy ran a red light in front of us and had I been my usual self we would have been right in the middle of that intersection when he came flying thru. Missed us by about 4 feet. It just so happened that there was a Cop right behind me when he did that. Guess you could say he was the exception to the rule “where is a cop when you need one?” Guess where he went? J and the girls were so shaken and I was so pissed I pulled over to think for a minute and let the girls calm down.  I tend to think fate played a role in me getting a slower start than normal with Jacqueline and the girls in the car that day. About 40 minutes later is when we came upon the accident.

I was in the car with Mom and son for better part of an hour and a half. Truly it did not feel that long. One of those Time warp situations. Your mind is focused on one thing and one thing only and time has no true meaning. Finally, they (and when I say they I mean they in a huge since (according to Jackie, once she saw me get into the vehicle within 5 minutes the car looked like an anthill stirred with a stick, she says that ALL vehicles stopped and every man out there was grabbing crowbars and tools and anything they could find,)) pried open the door so we could get them both out. As I got out a Highway Patrolman saw me heading to the car with Jackie and the girls and called me over to him and his patrol car. I was in that zone of not caring how I looked and just on “auto mode”. As I approached him he asked how I was and if I had even noticed the state I was in. Then he opened up the trunk of his car and pulled out a couple of gallons of drinking water and had me clean up. I hadn’t even noticed I had blood covering my arms to the elbows and all over my jeans. That’s when I noticed he had cigarettes in his pocket and asked if I could bum one. His response: “were you the one in the car?” and then “looking like that take the pack.” That’s when I started again and smoking more than I had been prior to that event. So that is where I make the statement of one of my best and worst moments. Doing that that must be done and succumbing to the thing that has created my current situation.
Sorry but I guess you could say this last little bit has been a form of purging Demons, those things that haunt you. Since that has happened I have asked myself repeatedly “Could I have done more?” and I still can not answer that question.


Truly, reading this all back to myself, I can see the haphazard design of my thoughts. I can only imagine what will come next as I know you the reader are wondering as well. 
Honestly, I can not tell you because I don’t know.

I have been thinking about writing a forward to this but how do you write a forward to something you have hardly begun? How do you go about giving someone “a heads up” for something that even you are unsure of? So I guess for now that is just going to have to wait, wait until that time that I know this is drawing to an end and then I can get a good idea where the forward should go.


Yippee, I just celebrated another birthday and know that 40 won’t be on my stone!


I’ve done it again! Damn Movies and their sentimental thoughts.

This next little section is dedicated to many, many people:

Jacqueline Winfield, Jacquita Lewter, Janette Hayes, Mike Graham, Brenda Raley,

Harold Kirkpatrick (Coach K), Jimmy Arendt, Tim Knowles and several others.

All Teachers and Friends to their students (if the students figure out How to Look for them)

“Mr. Holland’s Opus”, Fantastic flick that reminds us that Teachers are people.

Let me clarify. I went back to college at the age of 35. I started off with a History class American History up to 1871 (Thanks Coach Graham), Physics (Thanks Coach Raley), and an English course (Thanks Jacquita). I knew more, after 17 yrs of sitting out, than all of the kids fresh out of High School. I was working full time nights, trying to be a good father, a good husband, and do my best in my classes and they (meaning All the TEACHERS I had) taught me well. I graduated with a 3.86 GPA(College) (Highschool - what can I say, I was a teenager) and I owe part of it to the people that taught me back when I was a wet behind the ears little waste of time. 
None of them ever saw me that way.


There are Teachers like that out there now, (My wife Jacqueline is one of them!) However, the system is failing them. Now, the system is forcing more and more teachers and school systems to focus on “TEST”. YOU MUST PASS THIS TEST. 
Teaching the students that the test is a must or you can’t go on.
Call it a fluke but in the 1980s Whitesboro ISD got it just right with the Teaching staff in the school system. I went back to college years after I graduated from Whitesboro High and everything they taught us stayed with me. You really can’t understand what I mean until you go to some of our colleges and visit schools. The education system we have today is failing our students of today. Our Next Generation of “EVERYTHING” is at RISK!!!!

I beseech those that Read this section to take an active part in trying to get our Education system back to where it was. Let the Teachers Teach. Don’t hinder them by telling them or forcing them to focus on a single test. Look at the advancements the last three or four or five generations have given us all. Those Teachers Must have done something right. 
Don’t fail them. 
Don’t fail those that Didn’t fail US.


A New day filled with more thoughts of who and what we are.

A day filled with thoughts of "Who am I?" and "What am I?"  
Sometimes I wonder what kind of Father I am and if I am doing the right thing by my children? All I do is try my best. Being sick has changed how I must look at things and do things.

How? How do you make something from nothing? When you are “tapped out” and have nothing left to give and find yourself running in circles with the same results over and over, what do you do?

Sometimes life hits us and all seems fruitless and lost. Those are the moments I find I think the most. At times this can lead to really ugly thoughts, you know those thoughts that no-one wants to think about or acknowledge. Now this will sound weird, strange, maybe even deranged to some, but I find those thoughts refreshing.

No, I do not need that kind of help. I find those thoughts refreshing because they allow me to explore other avenues that I would not have looked at. Those thoughts make me focus on other directions. Sometimes those thoughts lead to some of the thoughts I write here. Sometimes those thoughts make me think of different ways to do things or approach things with my wife and my girls.

Now remember I am in my early 40s and that is far to young. After saying that I must ask you, Truly is it too young to think those / these thoughts and ask yourself?

Days like today and the last few days, when I find it hard to breath, I look back and wonder. Wonder if I have done all I could with my children, with my wife? Honestly, I have to say No. Don’t get me wrong. I have been a good father and husband. Over the last 6 months I have been a total ASS. Depression set in and the “Whoa is me's” gripped me and took a pretty firm hold. During that time I built up a big tall thick wall.

Thank God for my wife.

Every single day she found the strength to beat at the wall, pull at it, just kept attacking what I was building and never letting me build a solid foundation. She incorporated help from certain individuals when she needed to but she was the driving force. Damned if she wasn’t a human bulldozer. Dealing with me and my BullShit while keeping our family going. She never gives herself credit for her strength, her courage to travel uncharted waters. She took a risk and brought me out of the funk I was in and has given me a “purpose” not to go back.

Over the years I have had more than my share of “bad luck” and I frequently use the adage “if it weren’t for bad luck I would have no luck at all.” One day back in June of 1995 I was the Luckiest Man Alive. The Day God blessed me by putting her in my path. Then again when we got married. To this day, I still use that adage with an amendment - “and I will live with it Because I got all my luck rolled into one big win when I found my wife.” I Love Her with every beat of my heart and know that I am still here because she fought me for me!

I want the world to know how I feel about her. Some things are better left said just between two Lovers so all you get to know is: I LOVE HER with all of my heart and soul. I can't walk up a mountain anymore but maybe someday if this gets published this could be My Mountain and All will hear what I have written as if it were a man shouting from the Mountain tops.


I like to read. I love finding those authors that make your mind go in multiple directions all at once and make you feel like you are in a whirlwind and then they bring it all together so smoothly.
Robert Jordan: author of the “Wheel of Time” series; J.R.R. Tolkien: author of “The Lord of the Rings“; Stephen R. Donaldson: author of the “The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant”; they are just a couple with the talent. 
I wish I could write like they do, but I can only dream of attaining that level of imagination. That Weaving of Words to create a tapestry for a readers mind. One thing I have never seen any of them do that I will, I Know How this writing WILL END.

Nobody ever tells you that at the beginning, but I just did.

That should keep you thinking while you read all this mumbled mess. Here is the “Kicker”, I really don’t have any clue as to what else I will put in this or how long this thing will be, but I already know the ending. Sort of a "Trip" thinking about it. 
How many times have you wanted to read the ending to know how it ended before you read the body of work? We all have done it at least once. Its like a scientist knowing the results of an experiment before he/she performs the experiment but knowing they must perform it to prove they were right.

Oh, by the way I changed subjects on you again.


Well, as I write today and look at all I have written to date, I wonder if I have been keeping up with the “Lunatic” title and bouncing around enough to keep you on your toes? I hope I have and I hope it has made you think. Even if only a smidge of a thought, then I am accomplishing my goal.

Very important topic here (in my opinion) but to put you in the frame of mind to understand my point a few questions first.


1.) Would you risk your privacy or your family’s privacy for Millions of Dollars a year?
2.) Is there any amount of money that would make that right?
3.) Why do we care about the private lives of those that make or earn more than we do?
4.) Should we care?

If a person makes more money than I do and they do an honest days work what happens in their lives behind closed doors is theirs, not mine. 
If what that person does threatens my family or defenseless animals or defenseless people then it becomes a concern. 
Society today relishes “News” of the downfall of someone making more money than us. Those People have a right to their personal lives just like you and I do.


It has been several months since I last wrote anything here.

My Sister-in-Law, Karen Winfield, struggled with her fight with Cancer from late May/ early June until Dec. 29th 2009. All of the prayers from Friends and Family to get her thru Christmas helped, I think. She left my brother Donald and their two sons; James and David. She didn’t speak to anyone the last month she lived and I can guess why: It would take to much of her energy to cope with people and their “sympathies”. She didn’t want to spend her time and energy on things that had no bearing on the events. Deep Down in my Gut, I feel she saved all of her energy to make it past Christmas so that it would not cause issues for her sons during the holiday.

I probably have you wondering “Where will he go now?” Well I don’t exactly know myself. Just let my fingers go and read what they write.

It is amazing what can be written about when your not thinking. Let the mind roam and go places that we would normally overlook. Have you ever tried that? Just sit down and start typing or writing with no specific target in mind and see what you come up with. In a weird way it is liberating.

The Last couple of weeks have been rough. Breathing has been a real Bitch, and catching a cold definitely did not make it easier. Have to be very careful of those colds. They could bring a much earlier demise than I would like. Sometimes when I feel something like that coming on, I find myself in a melancholic state. When That happens I tend to get nostalgic at the same time. Sort of odd if you put them together it becomes a “melancholic nostalgia” both of them similar but not. Melancholy by itself most of you should understand. As for nostalgic, well that is what’s weird. Nostalgic is in a base form; Homesick, or longing for something from the past with a mixture of happiness and sadness. I guess what that is saying is that I wish I could go back in my past here and change and spend differently with my wife and girls.

Since I haven’t invented a time machine yet nor has anyone else, there is only one thing to do or say: “Don’t cry over spilt milk.” Just clean it up and go on because you can not change the past. What is done is done.

What is hard to cope with sometimes is that I can look back at my recent past and see what kind of man (physically) I was and compare it to today. It is amazing to see the difference breathing makes in a persons physical abilities. Four years ago I was working as an electricians helper and digging ditches with a pick axe and shovel. These weren’t those 6” deep and 10’ long in soft good dirt, they were those 3’ deep and 80’+ long with rocks and clay. An Honest Good Hard days work. You knew you earned your wages that day and help build something in the process. I whole heartedly encourage everyone to get a job doing good, hard manual labor even if it is just for a few months as an in between job. Truly it makes you appreciate those who choose to do it as a living their whole lives. Not to mention the self gratification of watching something going up, knowing you were a part of it is something. On occasion when driving thru the city of El Paso I can point out things to my girls that I had a part in helping it get built.

Bouncing around a bit on you here. Thinking about that got me to thinking how I got that job.

I had been working for Home Depot as a Dept. Supervisor for three different departments, and as Manager on Duty when I took a 4 day weekend to be with my wife and kids who were still living here in El Paso. First real days off I had had in a very long time. Well, My guys didn’t get the paperwork done that they were to get done while I was gone and when I went back in the following Monday, I was let go for failure to get “paperwork” done. I then found myself without work and lost because I truly enjoyed that job and felt great about the company I worked or had worked for.

Seven months went by and I still had not found a job that would be able to pay me what I needed in order for me to pay my bills and have money for food. I got so down in the dumps with it all and that’s when I found myself praying to God and saying “just give me a job! I don’t care what it is even if it is shoveling shit for a living I don’t care just help me get a job!” The next night my wife called and told me her brother had an old acquaintance/ friend that would hire me on but it would be manual labor and if I could be in town (El Paso) by seven the next morning. You bet your ASS!!  I was in El Paso within two hours of the phone call and at their doorstep at seven (actually 6:30am). No way was I not going to work that day.

My first day on that job I found myself up in Mckelligon Canyon digging ditches thru nothing but rock and very little dirt. Just a pick axe, trenching shovel and myself. Careful what you ask for, you may just get it. 
No, I am not complaining about the job. I was grateful to be providing for my family again and carrying my share of the load. You would be amazed at the difference a good, hard labor job will make in you.

Just as a side note one of the owners of the company has to be one of the best men I have had the pleasure to work for. He gave good wages for honest work and gave those that needed it more than a fair shake. He would throw out the chafe eventually but he did give people the chance to change.


Now this has been saved for future additions and for the Girls.  

It has been Months, many Long Months since I added to this.  In my own defense I got side tracked by a little project that ended up being called "Anything at Anytime".  

If You have made it this far I do hope you take the time to make a comment or two based on something you got out of this Post.  

More will come to add to the "Ravings of an Intelligent Lunatic"

I Hope you All have a GREAT Week!?!



  1. that was very well written and alot to take in i will definitely be rereading this so i may have to come back and make a better comment but for now well done.

  2. see what happens when you take some time off?

    good thoughts Danny, and while this may have been a rambler, it was enlightening...

    you are blessed to have a wonderful family and should get something for your heroic efforts, karma or what ever...

    good to see you back and writing!

  3. Dan, You ARE a great writer. You have and are going through so much. I read alot of love and so much more in your post today. I don't really want to call it a post it wasn't just a simple paragragh about life's musings or a quick quip. It was your heart and soul there and you put it all out there for us to see. My heart was in my throat when you wrote about the accident. and what got to me was how time seemed to stand still while you stayed with the little boy. It really spoke to me. again you are a great writer Dan, I was able to actually feel the Love, sadness, anger and worry through your words in this post. I wish more than anything that you could be cured of this horrible desease. I wish you were free to enjoy your family without this burden. But I am also happy that you are able to appreciate the love that surrounds you each and everyday. God Bless you Always, Blessings, Joanne

  4. Wow - what can I say ... so much to think about .. I will have to re-read it many times. You are so terribly gifted and I am so very blessed to know you son. You have so much love and caring in you. I also wish you were free of the horrible sickness that invades your lungs. You have given much food for thought. Your love is shinning through every word you wrote. One liners is all I can think of right now. Your beautiful wife (my daughter il) - I am in her debt for all she has & is doing for you! Always ... always son ... Love you

  5. Wow, I made myself that coffee but I think the last bit was cold as I lost myself in your words.
    You touched on so many things, but the overwhelming message that came through was the intense love and connection you have with your beautiful wife and daughters.
    You have packed a lot so far in your life, more than some.
    I find your writing inspiring and lifting.
    Love my cheeky Texan


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